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auteur: Martina Sulková
18th September 2013

How to Impress a Czech Guy

1. Be up for a “chata” or “chalupa” adventure (EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND).

Listen up – if you’re really (like REALLY) serious about impressing a Czech guy, you’ve gotta be open to trying new things. A chata (=cottage or summer house… it’s basically a Czech institution) weekend adventure is something that’s cherished by a preeeeetty high percentage of the Czech male population. Is the village where the chata is located basically a dead town? A CZECH MAN DOESN’T CARE. Do you have to drive 50 km to the nearest town in order to buy some milk and chewing gum? A CZECH MAN REALLY DOESN’T CARE. He’s happy with that one village pub & doing some (not-so-successful) DIY around the house. EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND. Save yourself while you can…

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2. Oh and don’t forget to pack some “řízky“ for your chata adventure.

It’s funny, because while most young Czech people mock the whole “every-Czech-person-packs-a-bazillion-schnitzel-sandwiches-whenever-they-leave-Prague” (seriously.. that totally used to be the case), they secretly (or not so secretly) partake in this tradition. And you know what they say – the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. If the guy just happens to be Czech, get some deep fried pork or chicken steaks (#guiltypleasure) and he’ll worship the ground you walk on.

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3. Did we mention that you’ll need to ONLY wear super COOL & super sporty Czech clothes on your chata adventure?

OK, scratch the “cool” part. But yeah, we ain’t kidding about the “super sporty” aspect. Sadly. Seriously – some guys take this trend to a whole new level, so we assume that whoever will want to impress them will have to do the same. Forget about glamour. Forget about matching colours, or colours that you actually look good in. Forget about clothes that actually fit you well. It’s all about PRACTICALITY, people. Sheesh, get with the program. And buy some sweatpants (that are 3 sizes too big).

4. Don’t be too spontaneous.

We don’t wanna generalize, folks. Really, generalization is one of the things we hate the most (close second: spending every weekend at a chata). The thing is… Czech guys aren’t really known for being amazingly spontaneous. So here’s a word of advice: don’t be too bummed when he wants to stay in & watch another football match (AGAIN). Get some (Bohemia) chips, a 6-pack and don’t move from the couch for a few hours. You never know – your guy might thank you by being super spontaneous.. one of these days.

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5. Skip the lengthy morning make-up routine.

Now we’re not saying you should stop applying all forms of make-up altogether. And we’re all for whatever makes people feel good in their own skin. Just one small note – we’re pretty sure Czech guys prefer a more natural look. Yes, they might salivate over (way-too-airbrushed) models like Gisele Bundchen or Cara Delevingne, but in reality they just love hanging out with people who are fun to be with. PLUS, Czech guys are generally pretty laid-back & nothing scares them more than a face full of slap. So get those make-up wipes & let your inner beauty SHINE THROUGH (OMG, we’re totally turning into Oprah here).

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6. Don’t be afraid of modern technology.

Think we’re contradicting ourselves with this one after the whole “chata” discussion? Think again. Czech guys may love the great outdoors but they’re also big geeks & may love their smartphones and tablets even more. If you want to impress a Czech guy, you’ll know about all the latest and greatest apps, you’ll be in on why Facebook’s primary colours are blue (Mark Zuckerberg is colourblind… hello!) & you’ll probably be on your 10th smartphone by now. The iPhone 5C (and yes, we’re aware it hasn’t come out yet, but somehow, you managed to get your hands on it.. you sneaky little devil you!).

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7. Take him on a romantic Segway tour.

Segway and romantic in the same sentence? Can it be true? Why yes, of course it can! Allow us to let you see the light. Yes, row boats are cute and all that. And yes, enjoying a candlelit dinner together can be OK… we guess. But all of these things are totes OVER. Czech guys like things that are modern, things that are NOW (see point #6). And when you go to Letná on your Green Lemon Segway tour, you’ll both fall in love. With the view. And (possibly) with each other.

8. Be nice to his mom.

Ugh, this one is a weeee bit tricky. Some Czech mothers-in-law can be a bit… out there (if you know what we mean) and some Czech guys tend to be mama’s boys. We’re not saying YOUR guy is. But just to be on the safe side, we suggest testing the waters before trying to become besties with your mother-in-law. Mama knows best, right? ;)

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9. Be friends with his buddies.

Are your Czech man’s buddies a bit weird, dull & or too ‘out there’? Even if you’d never think of hanging out with Petr, Tomáš and Martin if it weren’t for your Czech guy, try to make an effort – your Czech guy will totally appreciate it! We know that trying to be friends with your significant other’s BFFs can be a bit tricky & it can make you feel like Penny from ‘The Big Bang Theory’ (and NO ONE wants to feel like that). But maybe, JUST MAYBE, if you’ll give Petr, Tomáš and Martin a chance, you’ll realize they’re as funny (and sweet) as Sheldon, Howard and Raj.

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10. Pretend to understand soccer.

Why is Sparta better than Slavia? Don’t know? Who is Petr Čech? No clue? And do you know what an “offside” is? If you’re as lost as we are, don’t worry – just fake it. When you go to a soccer match with a Czech guy, have Wikipedia ready on your smartphone & you’ll always know the answer to his questions. Whenever he wants to watch a match on TV and says something like, ‘But you don’t have to join me, because I know you’re not into it’, JOIN HIM & totally blow his mind by casually date- and name-dropping famous matches & obscure soccer players (all you gotta do in order to achieve the desired effect is STUDY). Because 1974 WAS the best year for Sparta. OBVS. Pass the chips?

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Martina Sulková
Martina Sulková